whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You have to summon your inner elephant
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
