The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
