I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
