My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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