i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
