Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
