i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
as a side note pls kill me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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