I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
