Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
