i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
