I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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