I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
