I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
