Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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