Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize