DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
