Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
