D3 body, D1 cock
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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