i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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