I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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