Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
