Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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