Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
