I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
