Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
