All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
