those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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