I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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