Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
