im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
