What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
