I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
