hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
