Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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