i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
