i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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