3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
