He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You were trust falling into bushes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
