Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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