dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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