talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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