Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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