one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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