Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
