We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize