We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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