Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
