just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
