so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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