put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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