you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
