Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
