in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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