I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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