We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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