she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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