weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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