..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
