I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
two words: eviction party
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
