so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Oh god it's open bar.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
